C. A. Reiser, M.S.

Katie and her mom made sugar cookies with M&M eyes and red licorice smiles. The cookies were for Katie’s classmates so they could share in celebrating the much anticipated birth of her new sibling.

But the joyous event never happened. Katie’s brother Sean died. One expression of Katie’s grief was to take all the red licorice smiles off the cookies.

No Smile Cookies, aimed at preschool through second grade children, walks the reader through Katie’s story — her thoughts, feelings and actions. Through the telling, the 13 page book provides many opportunities for parents to begin conversations with even the youngest of bereaved siblings. This is a "sit on my lap and let’s talk" book that may be just the resource some parents need to help themselves and their children talk about the death of a new baby.

Sherokee Ilse, Inez Anderson, Mary Funk, Mother Care, Wintergreen Press Inc, 3630 Eileen St., Maple Plain, Minnesota 55359, 1995.

Aptly titled, Mother Care is primarily about the needed care for regaining physical health following loss through a late miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death. Information is included on several important topics, such as breast care, nutrition, and hygiene. Questions answered are practical ones: How much bleeding is expected, and for how long? When should a doctor be called? When can sexual activity be resumed? How can/should exercise be incorporated in a post partum period?

The second half of the book concerns emotional and spiritual care, with suggestions that may benefit both mother and father. And while this information is also important, it is the first 10 pages that make this resource truly special.

Jennifer Goins-Caufman, Letters to Sarah, www.hygeia.org <<special site found on table of contents page>>

Ms. Caufman recently sent me a copy of her self-published, spiral bound book, Letters to Sarah, written after the stillbirth of her daughter on November 2, 1990. The book is both a portrait of Ms. Caufman’s own experience written side by side with general bereavement information for other bereaved parents. Letters to Sarah from her mother are interspersed throughout, making the tone comfortable and personal. The content includes typical information found in most resources — the stages of grief, guilt, siblings, and grandparents to name a few.

Two things make this resource special. One is a dialogue between the author and a college friend, in which Ms. Caufman shares the pain when "family and friends have forgotten" or say "hurtful things in an attempt to be helpful." Her friend writes of the sadness and helplessness she felt, and how her actions and words were not meant to be hurtful but unknowingly were. The dialogue is honest and painful, but hopefully also helpful and healing.

The second exceptional feature of this book is that Ms. Caufman gradually shares that Sarah died as a result of a specific chromosome abnormality, Down syndrome. Ms. Caufman encourages parents who have experienced the death of a baby to find answers to questions like the risk of recurrence; prenatal testing options, if desired; if there is a risk for a birth defect compatible with survival, what life would be like for that child and their family, etc. These questions are more insightful than those asked by many health care providers (and appropriately answered by a genetic counselor or clinical geneticist). This book might have a special connection for other parents whose child died as a result of a chromosome abnormality or other type of genetic disorder.

While there are minor errors in word usage (e.g. dislocation vs. translocation, genetic screening vs. testing, and lethal vs. harmful), the book is a very worthwhile resource for any lending library.

Letters to Sarah is not available in bookstores but is part of our lending library. It is also on the internet (log on at www.hygeia.org and click to the table of contents).

Angelic Presence, compiled by Cathi Lammert and Sue Friedrick. Richard Paul Evans Publishing, Inc, 1997. Order through SHARE, 1-800-821-6819.

Angelic Presence is a collection of short stories submitted by families whose babies had died. Among the stories there is a unifying theme, that each family felt, at times, an overwhelming sense of their baby’s presence. This ‘angelic presence’ was experienced through dreams, visions, recurring symbols or signs, or a simple sense that their baby was "there". Another common thread was the comfort and hope that accompanied these experiences, and is quite powerfully shared in these writings.

It is noted in the early pages that the book is not meant to favor any particular "religious affiliation but rather accept many spiritual journeys." And while this is literally true, I would reflect before recommending this book to someone for whom a religious faith is not a strong source of support, since there are frequent references to God, Heaven and (obviously) Angels. I would also be cautious about recommending this as a book of comfort for anyone who has ended a pregnancy through elective abortion, since there are several stories from families who chose not to intervene in pregnancies when life-taking birth defects were identified, but no stories from families who did make such choices.

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