C. A. Reiser, M.S.

Intended as a message of comfort and hope for mothers who have lost their child, this book is written specifically and directly from a Christian point of view. The message is one of faith, that children are laughing and playing in the heavens above, safe in the arms of Jesus, until all mothers and their children will one day be together again. Mommy, Please Don’t Cry is an exquisitely illustrated book that is written in the first person, from a child to his/her mother. The text is followed by scripture passages which inspired the writings of the book.

The author, Linda DeYmaz, wrote the book because, although she will always grieve for loss of her little girl, Ali Grace, she believes that "God sent Ali Grace to enrich (her) life and give... her... a small glimpse of eternity."

Hannah Lothrop, Help, Comfort & Hope after Losing Your Baby in Pregnancy or the First Year*, Fisher Books, 1997.

Hannah Lothrop writes with empathy, first-hand knowledge, and as a successful psychologist who has devoted much of her professional career to grief counseling of bereaved parents. With warmth and insight, she has produced an excellent resource subdivided into two sections. Part I, intended for bereaved parents, identifies and briefly reviews the many possible causes of the loss of a baby, the journey of grieving, numerous suggestions for beginning the process of healing, and lastly, advice for giving personal meaning to the experience. (It should be noted that the list of causes of different types of losses is very incomplete. In addition, where factual information and definitions are provided, they are often non-standard.) The chapters of Part II, dedicated to those providing support for the bereaved (i.e. caregivers, psychologists, health professionals, funeral directors, relatives, friends, etc.), include: 1) practical suggestions of what to say and not to say, to do or not to do; 2) suggestions directed at hospital staff to consider in striving to provide sensitive, customized care for parents experiencing the loss of their baby during their hospital stay; and 3) information for healing: support groups, spiritual care, and meditation. Appendices are included, one of which provides several support resources.

To her credit, Ms. Lothrop devotes a section to what she calls "special circumstances". These special circumstances include elective abortion for genetic reasons, or because of an unwanted pregnancy, relinquishing a baby for adoption, and single parents, among others. All are validated as losses, with no judgement passed.

One final comment concerns the information presented about autopsy. A few questions are posed to help parents decide if an autopsy is right for them. Brief comment is made about how an autopsy is done, to dispel misconceptions that many parents may have. It is unfortunate, however, that one misconception about autopsy is perpetuated, i.e. that an autopsy is "super-fluous" if "the cause is self evident."

Martha Wegner-Hay, Embracing Laura—The Grief and Healing Following the Death of An Infant Twin, Centering Corporation, 1998.

Embracing Laura is one family’s story of how they learned to grieve and celebrate at the same time, following the prenatal death of an infant twin daughter and livebirth of their twin son. The author writes of what happened after the prenatal diagnosis of twins in which one twin had a heart defect and cystic hygroma associated with Down syndrome (WiSSPers Vol. 4 No. 4) and the agonizing choice for selective reduction** of the affected baby, whom they named Laura.

While a few thoughts are shared about this "choice" aspect of their circumstances, the remaining pages are about her family’s grief over having a wanted baby die, preparing for the delivery, and parenting the surviving twin son, David, and older three year old daughter, Christine. Because the selective reduction was performed well before delivery, there was time to prepare, as best one can, for the delivery of both a liveborn and a stillborn baby; suggestions are shared such as attending a birthing class for those who have had a previous loss, and writing a birth plan that includes specific actions for each baby. And while the author does suggest seeking spiritual support, and discusses her struggle with her religious faith, as written the book does not have strong Christian overtones. It would be helpful for anyone, I think, regardless of religious affiliation. Ms. Wegner-Hay also writes lovingly of how she learned to grieve for Laura and enjoy David without feeling disloyal to either one, again offering concrete suggestions. The different ways in which she and her husband grieved, what three year old Christine needed, and recognition that baby David also suffered a loss, are all touched upon.

This very complete little book is remarkable for the true empathy, honesty and tenderness with which it is written. If you know of anyone who has or will deliver multiples where one or more has died, this booklet is to be highly recommended.

**Other books specific to elective termination that parents can turn to for support include:

•Difficult Decisions, written by P, Fertel, S. Holowinsky, P. Iams, M. Winterstein, S. Gatlin, S. Scribner, for Centering Corporation, c. 1988.

•A Time to Decide, A Time To Heal, by Molly Minnick MSW, with Kathleen Delp ACSW, Mary Ciotti MD, third ed. c. 1992.

Whispers from the Heart—A Collection of Poems and Thoughts Lovingly Written and Dedicated to All Our Babies. SHARE Celebrates 20 Years — Circle of Compassion Conference, St. Louis, Missouri, October, 1997.

Whispers from the Heart is a collection of poems and other writings by parents and other family members whose baby died through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. The collection includes poetry, memorials, journal entries and other forms of remembrances.

For bereaved families who find comfort in the written word, or for those who want to know they are not alone but don’t have access to or would not feel comfortable in a support group, this booklet would be a good choice.

Not available for purchase, Whispers from the Heart can be borrowed from the WiSSP lending library.

*Book reviews by Marcie Lubratovich, edited by C.A.R.

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