from the lending library

C. A. Reiser, M.S.

In their bereavement many parents turn to their faith for comfort and support. Results from the WiSSP parent follow-up questionnaire indicate that more than 80% of parents considered themselves somewhat if not very religious and a member of an organized religion. Parents who seek comfort through their religious beliefs may also look for written resources that provide help within that framework. This ‘Lending Library ‘includes several resources that could be recommended to families who are looking for spiritual support.

Most of these resources are written from a Christian perspective. We are not aware of materials from different faith traditions. If you know of such resources please let us know so we can add to the diversity of our lending library.

Clark, Martha Bittle, Are You Weeping With Me God?, Broadman Press, Nashville, Tennessee, 1987.

Martha Bittle Clark began to keep a record of her journey through grief the first day she learned her youngest child, 18 year old Sherry, had died in an accident. Are You Weeping With Me God? is that written journey, which tells how one woman searched for new understanding and grew in her faith as a Christian. At the end of her journey she came to realize that "for parents struggling with a God who allows horrible things to happen to His children, there should be someone telling them [their] feelings are normal, [their] feelings are not bad, and [their] feelings can lead them into a new beginning where they are victors of a struggle, not mere survivors." This book is her way of being that someone.

Mumford, Amy Ross and Karen E. Danhauer, Love Away My Hurt — A Child’s Book About Death, Accent Expressions, Denver, Colorado, 1983.

Love Away My Hurt, written at an elementary level, is a book to be read to young children who have experienced the death of someone close to them. Included are explanations of death, definitions of terms like funeral, cemetery, casket, etc., and a discussion of some of the feelings they may experience. Some of the explanations and words intended to provide comfort rely on a belief in the soul and a happier life in heaven with Jesus.

Osgood, Judy ed., Meditations for Bereaved Parents, Gilgal Publications, Sunriver, Oregon, 1983.

The writings of 35 parents make up the content of this short book. Each parent shares anguish, anger and insights that have enabled them to heal after the death of a child. The meditations are 1-2 pages in length, and are preceded by a relevant Bible verse, short prayer or spiritual poem. Not intended to be read in one sitting, Meditations for Bereaved Parents may be of most help as a companion to read a little at a time.

Rank, Maureen, Free to Grieve, Bethany House Publishers, Minneapolis, Minnesota, 1985.

Written within a Christian framework, Free to Grieve is meant specifically for families who experience miscarriage and/or stillbirth. The author, combining research and her personal experience as a survivor of four miscarriages, believes healing can begin when four basic principles are recognized: grief is justifiable; grief is necessary; grief is individual; and grief will some day end. Four rather complete sections offer medical and grieving information on Learning To Grieve, Finding Out Why, Restoring Relationships, and Exploring Alternatives.

Kushner, Harold, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Avon Books, New York, 1981.

Harold Kushner, a rabbi whose young son was diagnosed with progeria, a terminal illness, wrote this book for people who find themselves in similar situations, people "who want to go on believing but whose anger at God made it hard for them to hold on to their faith and be comforted by religion ... whose love for God and devotion to Him led them to blame themselves for their suffering and persuade themselves that they deserved it." While a thoughtful and, for the most part, ultimately comforting resource, a special comment is needed before recommending it to a parent who has experienced stillbirth. Kushner implies that the grief following stillbirth or neonatal death is short-lived and not consuming. Parents need to know that that single comment does not negate their grief, which is real, intense and normal.

Hagley, D. Min. Norman E., Comfort Us Lord — Our Baby Died, Centering Corporation, Omaha, Nebraska, 1985.

This short pamphlet is a simple book of prayers for families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death. The prayers are intended for use beyond any memorial service. Examples of prayers include ‘A Mother’s Prayer When Feeling Guilty’, ‘A Father’s Prayer for His Lost Dreams’, ‘A Prayer for A Very Young Child’ and 'A Prayer for an Older Brother or Sister'.

Martinez, Susan Erling, Sacred Healing, deRuyter-Nelson Publications, Inc., Saint Paul, Minnesota, 1994.

Sacred Healing offers a metaphysical approach to bereaved parents to help them understand their grief and aid them in their journey from grief to healing, and from healing to growth. Emphasis is on using the power of prayer (to God/Goddess or Creator), daily meditation, and dreams as an interpretive tool to guide their pathway. Through this approach an additional perspective is provided to families seeking spiritual guidance not offered through their religious community or to those not a member of a mainstream religion. Also included is a suggested reading list.