from the lending library

C. A. Reiser, M.S.

This time of year, most bereavement newsletters offer suggestions for handling the holidays after losing a loved one, since holidays are often a time of renewed or intensified grieving.

Holidays are also, however, a traditional time of gift giving. This year, we at the Wisconsin Stillbirth Service Program would like to offer gifts to you.

First, we have acquired two new (to our collection of 11) holiday resources, which we review here (along with a repeat listing of other holiday resources in our library, which were reviewed in this space last year).

Secondly, we offer you a selection of resources written specifically for you, the caregivers. These resources have been written not only to provide you with information on how to help bereaved families in your care, but also to suggest ways to help you find support and renewal in this difficult and important aspect of your work.

Thank you for all you do.

Woodsen, Meg, The Toughest Days of Grief. Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1994.

Meg Woodsen lost her only two children to cystic fibrosis, an inherited disease. Because of these personal experiences, as well as her professional experience as a grief counselor, she is especially able to offer suggestions regarding making it through what may be some of the darkest and loneliest days of grief—holidays and other special occasions. While the book includes practical suggestions for the "typical" special occasion, such as Christmas, Easter, Father’s Day, it is more comprehensive, including other sometimes unanticipated firsts — the first vacation, the first day back in church, etc. Also distinctive in Woodsen’s book are her chapters devoted to specific feelings, and related coping strategies — for Sad Days, Angry Days, Lonely Days, Guilty Days.

Because Ms. Woodsen relies heavily on her Christian faith, her book may be more appropriate for those with similar beliefs. However, others may find this a useful and valuable resource as well.

Miller, Dr. James E., Helping the Bereaved Celebrate the Holidays: A Sourcebook for Planning Instructional and Remembrance Events, Willowgreen Productions, Fort Wayne, Indiana, 1992.

If you have ever planned any event, large or small, you probably wished you had a workbook to help remember all the details. Miller’s Helping the Bereaved Celebrate the Holidays is just such a book. A wonderful and thorough resource, it takes you through event planning from helping define your goals and the who, what and where of any program to how to build on this year’s event to help next year’s effort.

Since this is a must read book before one begins working on a commemorative program, review it now for 1997 planning.

Other holiday resources available through the WiSSP library:

(Reviewed in WiSSPers, Vol. 2 No. 4)

Ilse, Sherokee, Coping With Holidays and Celebrations. DeRuyter Publications, St. Paul, Minnesota, 1993.

Eneroth, Carlene Vester, Getting Past Christmas. Centering Corporation, Omaha, Nebraska. 1995.

Lowery, Missy, Not Just Another Day. Centering Corporation, Omaha, Nebraska, 1993.

Zegarelli, Maria Mott, One Holiday at a Time. Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 1990.

Conley, Bruce, Handling the Holidays. Thum Printing, Elburn, Illinois, 1979.

Ilse, Sherokee, Giving Care, Taking Care: Support for the Helpers. Wintergreen Press, Maple Plain, Minnesota, 1996. (44 pp, $8.50)

"We cannot shine until we have taken time to fill our lamps with oil."— Anonymous

Sherokee writes this book with the recognition that "with every tragedy we help someone live through, often the rewards are intangible and the price we pay is real." Just as we encourage bereaved parents to "take care" in their grief, we need to be reminded and given permission to do so ourselves. Giving Care, Taking Care offers practical suggestions on how to do both of these things. The suggestions for doing so range from self examination (facing our own losses, identifying our own stresses, etc.), through making use of our faith, our humor and our emotions. Perhaps most helpful of all is the section that includes coping advice from other caregivers — support from other professionals who have been there.

In Part I of the book, entitled "Giving Care", Ilse outlines various caregiving styles, and challenges helpers to draw on their own personal strengths as they develop and establish their role and work on their effectiveness in the caring relationship.

Part II, "Taking Care", discusses and emphasizes the importance of good physical, emotional, and spiritual health for caregivers, as well as the concept of "self-care". The end of the book features useful and comprehensive lists of resources, books, and audiovisuals on such topics as coping, caring, personal growth, fitness and nutrition, humor, meditation, faith, illness, and bereavement. This book is extremely useful and sensitively written. It is a practical guide for all those who are involved in the support of others mourning loss.

Vogel, Gary E., M.A., N.C.C., A Caregiver’s Handbook to Perinatal Loss. deRuyter Nelson Publications, Inc., St. Paul, Minnesota, 1996.

A resource for professional caregivers, this book provides a concise explanation of the issues surrounding perinatal loss. Both a clinical psychotherapist and a parent of a stillborn child, Gary E. Vogel describes the grieving process and the emotions parents commonly experience as they deal with different aspects of perinatal loss. Topics covered include individual grieving styles, community reactions, ceremonies, support groups, and future pregnancies. These issues and others are described in the context of individual caregivers with whom parents come into contact, such as physicians, nurses, and funeral directors. Particularly pleasing to me is the inclusion of genetic counselors in this list, as a separate and important component of care for bereaved parents.

While the section called ‘Caregiver Renewal’ is brief, it is well worth reading, delineating such suggestions as: know your limitations; learn to receive as well as to give; learn to set boundaries; etc. A bibliography and list of other resources is included.

Care for the Caregivers: Coping with Perinatal Death. Videotape, available for loan through the library of the Clinical Sciences Center, the University of Wisconsin—Madison.

A truly unique resource, this video concerns hospital personnel, including medical and nursing staff, social workers, clergy and others, who come in contact with bereaved families. The hospital team profiled works with families who experience perinatal death, so issues of the dying infant are also addressed.

This video is particularly well suited for use by hospital staff, since it is only 15 minutes in length and easily scheduled in regular inservice or unit meeting situations.