The WiSSP Resource Library

FOR AND ABOUT CHILDREN

1.   Jason's Picture - The Butterfly and The Frog, by Centering Corporation, Omaha, NE, 1984.

    Short pamphlet that describes the art work and story of a grieving child as shared with his counselor.

2.    Butterflies, Grandpa and Me, by Bruce H. Conley, 1976.

    Richie's grandfather dies and he learns that while death is permanent so are memories.  The story includes description of peoples reactions to grief, funerals and cemeteries.  Can be used as a story, workbook or tool for discussion.

3.    Lifetimes--The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children, by Bryan Melloni and Robert Ingsen; Bantam Book, October, 1983.

    Lifetimes talks about beginnings and endings and about living in between.  It describes living and dying as a natural, inevitable process for all creatures, including people.

4.    Children Are Not Paper Dolls--A Visit With Bereaved Siblings, by Erin Linn Levy, P.O.Box 267, Cary, IL, 1982.

    A picture book collection of experiences of bereaved siblings. In their own words, the children share their thoughts and feelings about losing a brother or sister. A useful resource to stimulate discussion.

5.   Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child, by Earl A. Grolloman; Beacon Press, Boston, 1976.

    A two part book--a children's read-along section followed by a companion parents guide. The parents guide provides help in using the read along as a way to promote discussion. The book is not solely for children since when sorting out their feelings, will enable parents to better understand their children. Excellent resource.

6.   Where's Jess, by Joy and Marv Johnson; Centering Corporation, 1982.

     A short story written in the first person, about a child whose younger sibling dies.  Addresses some of the questions and feelings a child may have.

7.   Tell Me, Papa, by Joy and Marv Johnson; Centering Corporation, 1984.

     Through the words of Papa, this short book explains death, grief, funerals, burials and different ways of saying good-bye.

8.   The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, by Dr. Leo Buscaglia; Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1982.

    A simple story about a leaf named Freddie.  This book explains the beginning and ending of life through the changes Freddie experiences with each season.

9.   Sibling Grief...After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center, Minneapolis, MN, 1984.

    This ten page booklet discusses the impact of miscarriages, stillbirth or infant death on siblings. It offers guidelines for various age groupings understanding of death and possible behavioral responses. It concludes with specific strategies for helping children cope.

10.  How to Explain Death to a Child, by J. Rosenblum, Ph.D., OGR Service Corporation, Springfield, IL, 1984.

     This short booklet (16 pages) offers general considerations when explaining death to children as well as specific strategies for various age groups (age 3-5, age 5-9, age 10 through teens).

11.  Answers to a Child's Questions About Death, by Peter Stillman; Guideline Publications, Stamford, NY, 1979

    In a questions-answer format this booklet discusses many aspects of death confusing to a small child.  For example, 'When someone dies are they being punished?', 'Is death like sleeping?', 'How long will I live?'...

12.  The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst; Atheneum, 1971.

     A young boy's cat, Barney, dies.  He mourns his loss through tears and a burial.  Remembering ten good things about his pet helps the boy accept the loss.

13.  About Dying - An Open Family Book For Parents and Children Together, by Sarah Bennett-Stein; Walker & Co., New York, 1974.

    Story of two children who experience first the death of a pet bird then the death of a grandfather. Describes death, funerals, and feelings. Accompanied by an adult text that explains ways children between the ages of three and eight may think about these events.

14.  My Grandson Lew, by Charlotte Zolotow; Harper and Row, 1974.

    Written for children ages 4-8, this book shows how a mother and her son learn to remember Grandpa together and that sharing those memories may help them feel less lonely and sad.

15.  What Do You Say to a Child?  A Short Guide for Adults, by Glen W. Davidson; OGR Service Corporation, Springfield, IL, 1979.

     A short booklet (17 pages) that discusses the ways in which parents attitudes and behaviors can affect a child's grief. Offers suggestions to promote communication and facilitate grief.

16.    Thumpy's Story - A Story of Love and Grief Shared, by Nancy Dodge; Prairie Lark Press, Springfield, IL, 1984.

     Thumpy's sister dies and the rabbit family experiences grief and learns to go on living. Through Thumpy's search for answers we understand the anger, guilt and fear that children experience and how we might try to reassure them. Thumpy's Story is available as a book to read, a book to color or as a workbook. 

17.  Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs, by Tomie de Paola; E.P. Putnams' Sons, New York, 1973.

     A picture book describing a young boy's relationship with his great-grandmother and how he feels when she dies.  Very simply told.

18.  Am I Still a Sister?, by Alicia M. Sims; Big A & Company, Albuquerque, NM.

          An illustrated diary of the thoughts, notes and letters written by a big sister whose little brother died at thirteen months.  Provides a rare glimpse of a child's perspective in the difficulties and dilemmas of grieving while growing up.

19.  Timothy Duck--The Story of the Death of a Friend, by Lynn Bennett Blackburn; Centering Corporation.

     An illustrated story book for children about being scared and mad and sad and all mixed up when someone you love dies.  This story is all about the feeling part and the getting better part too, told by a young duck whose best friend (a boy) dies while he is growing up.

20.  Love Away My Hurt--A Child's Book About Death, by A.R. Mumford and K.E. Danhauer; Accent Publications, 1983.

    A book for young children to read that explains death and some of the things they may feel if someone close to them dies. A Christian approach, the explanations used rely heavily on a belief in the soul, and a happier life in heaven.

21.  Our Baby Died, Why?, by Jake and Susan Erling; Pregnancy & Infant Loss Center, Wayzata, MN, 1986.

    A bereaved brother shares his feelings and thoughts about his stillborn brother and the subsequent birth of healthy twin sibs. An honest account of a child's questions, fears and emotions, presented in an open fashion. Geared for children ages 3-12 to read, draw and color.

22.  What Will I Tell the Children?, by Jacque Bell and Linda S. Esterling, University of Nebraska Medical Center Child Life Department and Meyer Children's Rehabilitation Institute, 1986.

    This booklet presents guidelines to help parents understand their children's reactions to the death of a family member or close friend. It describes the child's understanding of death and possible behavioral responses at various ages. The subdivisions for each age group include suggestions for parents to help children at different developmental levels deal with their feelings in a supportive, reassuring way.

23.  Books to Help Children Cope with Separation and Loss, 2nd ed., by Joanne E. Bernstein;  R.R. Bowker Co., N.Y. and London, 1983.

    An annotated bibliography of over 600 books to help children understand and cope with many forms of separation and loss, including death, divorce, and adoption. Most books emphasize realistic subjects and experiences and are geared toward the under-12 age group, although some works for older children and some fantasy or historical works have also been included. Titles are selected mainly for their overall quality, effectiveness, and appropriateness, although some popular, widely available works not meeting these criteria (in the opinion of the author) are described as well. All entries include a description of the book's contents and the appropriate audience age level targeted. Brief essays discussing current findings from the field of childhood separation and loss, as well as some thoughts on how best to help children through the appropriate use of books are also included.

24.  No New Baby, by Marilyn Gryte; Centering Corporation, 1988.

    This book was written for young children whose sibling has died shortly before or after birth. It provides simple openings for discussion of feelings. It does not address funerals or other burial options.

25.  Talking to Children About Death, NIMH Caring About Kids pamphlet.  U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, 1979.

    'Talking to Children About Death' is a thoughtfully written booklet to help parents think about their own feelings about death and how best to talk with their children about death. The need to be open and honest with children of all ages is discussed with particular attention being paid to overcoming communication barriers.  Developmental stages in children's understanding of death are explained, as well as common problems and pitfalls parents face in attempting to address their child's questions, concerns and fears. Religion and death are often intertwined and must be carefully integrated into a child's thoughts about what happens when someone dies.  Finally, questions about children visiting the dying, attending funerals, and being sent away from home during a death in the family are explored.

26.  What will I Tell the Children?, American Cancer Society--Nebraska Division, University of Nebraska Medical Center.

    This pamphlet is a concise tool for sharing grief with children. It's form is that of an informative manual, a "how-to" book for understanding grieving children. It is appropriate for all who interact with grieving children, parents and professionals alike. While specific behaviors, attitudes and reactions are depicted by age ranges, general hints and examples are also provided.

27.  When Someone Very Special Dies, by Marge Helgaard; Woodland Press, 1988

    This interactive book is designed to assist parents in helping their children work through grief following the loss of a loved one. Meaningful text is accompanied by blank coloring spaces where children are encouraged to explore their feelings via illustration. Specific objectives and suggestions are provided for parents, to facilitate discussion and promote parent-child interaction.

28.  Talking with Young Children about Death, by Fred Rogers (of Mister Roger's Neighborhood).

     In this booklet, Fred Rogers and Hedda Sharapan focus on a child's-eye view of death and offer insights for successful parenting of a child during the difficult time after a loss. Specific issues include the ways that children cope, parental feelings of wanting to protect their children, common curiosities a child may have about death, etc. This booklet is intended to supplement the closeness and love you give children with a deeper understanding of their perspectives. Included are a bibliography, a list of videos available, and a list of "Let's talk about it" materials for children.  More information is available from Family Communications, Inc., 4802 Fifth Ave., Pittsburgh, PA  15213 (412-687-2990).

29.  Love, Mark, by Mark T. Scrivani; Hope for Bereaved, Syracuse, NY.

    A booklet which consists of a series of letters on grief written for children (or the child in all of us). It includes letters on the stages and feelings experienced in the grieving process and also letters on death, suicide, and life after death in language children would easily understand.

30.  The Grieving Child: A Parent's Guide by Helen Fitzgerald; New York:Simon and Schuster.

    This is a concise, clearly written book by a grief therapist who herself has faced the death of her husband and the grief of her four children. Although the tone of the book is geared toward helping parents help their grieving children, the message is applicable to all ages. Suggestions given by the author can help a parent prepare for the future (which will inevitably include explanations of death and grief strategies) as well as come to terms with personal unresolved grief in their past. A particularly noteworthy feature of the book is the topical arrangement. Should an individual be unable to read the work from cover to cover, or even an entire chapter, valuable information is still readily accessible. The contents are clearly outlined by chapter and topic, with each topic numbered and in bold typeface within the body of the book. The book covers a wide range of subjects from introducing your child to the concept of death, using correct language, children's reactions, and a wonderful section of funerals, to name only a few. Included at the end of the work is an annotated bibliography of suggested readings for children which can play a role in opening up the difficult subject of death with children.

31.  Baby by Patricia MacLachlan; Delacorte Press, 1993.

    This is a short novel which tells the story of a family which takes in an abandoned baby. Some of the members of the family are afraid to love the baby, because she was left with a note from her mother saying she would be back for her someday. Having lost a baby to stillbirth a year before, the family fears the pain of another loss. Through coping with the impending loss of the baby which they have taken in, the family must grapple with unresolved issues about the stillbirth of their own baby. This well-written book explores loss and the healing powers of language and love. The language of the book is simple enough to be appropriate for an adolescent, but it is powerful and provocative enough to be of value to adults.

32.  A Child’s View of Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.; Center for Loss and Life Transition, Fort Collins, Colorado, 1991.

     This is an informative book which explains the grieving process of children and adolescents.  This book would provide helpful suggestions to parents of a child or teenager who has recently experienced a death of a loved one.  Dr. Wolfelt explains how communication is especially important at such a crucial time.  Adults may also learn ways to deal with their own grief after such a loss. 

33.  How Do We Tell the Children?  A Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children Two to Teen Cope When Someone Dies, by Dan Schaefer and Christine Lyons; Newmarket Press, 1993.

     This book was written by a funeral director with many years experience in helping families.  The format is easy to read, and each point is supported by stories from the experiences of the author and many other bereavement professionals.  Some advice is age group-specific (e.g. age 3-6, etc.), and some is specific to the cause of death.  Many examples are provided of words to use to explain death to children.  There is a short section specifically about infant death, which includes the personal experience of one of the authors of the loss of his first born son shortly after birth.  Included also are a concise 16-page ‘Crisis Section’ near the end of the book which summarizes the main points in a simple outline format, a small bibliography of related readings, and a short list of relevant support groups.

34.  Life and Loss -- A Guide to Help Grieving Children, by Linda Goldman; Accelerated Development, Inc., 1994.

     This book gives solid, on-target information on how to assess and assist children who are grieving.  It emphasizes the importance of building a child’s self esteem as an aid in handling loss, and gives specific examples of age-appropriate activities which can help with grief work.  Among topics covered are:  the myths adults have about loss and grief which inhibit healthy grieving, the four psychological tasks of grief work, and the phases of grief (with especially good ideas for commemorating loss).  Included is a section on preparing children to say good-bye, as well as the personal story of the author’s own experience of the birth of a stillborn child.  This book is filled with pictures, drawings and personal letters which show good examples of healthy grieving.  There is an extensive, up-to-date, annotated bibliography of resources, and a list of some community and national resources. 

35.  Thank You for Coming to Say Goodbye.  Involving Children in Funeral Services, by Janice L. Roberts and  Joy Johnson, Centering Corporation, Omaha, Nebraska, 1994.

    This short book has something for everyone who is interested in helping children to benefit from their sharing in the funeral and being allowed, in their own way, to say goodbye to someone they love.  The book is divided into two parts.  Part 1 is aimed at funeral directors and outlines how funeral homes can establish a program for helping children understand death and funerals.  Part 2 is broken down into five sections for families and professionals:  (1) guidelines to help children, (2) children’s concepts of death, (3) what bereaved children want adults to know, () what teachers can do, (5) for the religious community.

36.  No Smile Cookies Today, by Kathy Kennedy Tapp. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center, Inc, Wayzayta, Minnesota, 1998.

     Katie and her mom made sugar cookies with M&M eyes and red licorice smiles.  The cookies were for Katie's classmates so they could share in celebrating the much anticipated birth of her new sibling.  But the joyous event never happened.  Katie's brother Sean died.  One expression of Katie's grief was to take all the red licorice smiles off the cookies.  

     No Smile Cookies is aimed at preschool through second grade children; this is a "sit on my lap and let's talk" book that may be just the resource some parents need to help themselves and their children talk about the death of a new baby.