The WiSSP Resource Library

SUGGESTIONS FOR HELPING BEREAVED PARENTS

1.    Suggestions for Clergy, Compassionate Friends.

    This pamphlet is written for clergy of all denominations.  Suggestions are offered as to how to best comfort bereaved parents, including how to help families with the practical needs.

2.    Suggestions for Teachers and School Counselors, Compassionate Friends.

    A pamphlet for teachers, counselors and classmates. Guidelines are offered to help these professionals who work with children who have experienced a death in the family.

3.   Being with Parents After Their Child or Baby Dies, Centering Corporation.

    A pamphlet for friends and relatives of grieving parents. It may also be helpful to those individuals who work either as caregivers or co-workers with either of the parents who have lost their baby regardless of at what age the death occurs.

4.   What Family and Friends Can Do, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Center of MN.

    An open letter addressed to the family and friends of parents who have lost their baby. Encourages family and friends to grieve openly with the parents. In addition, suggestions are offered as to how friends and family can help parents cope with their loss.

5.   Helping People Through Grief, by Delores Kuenning; Bethany House Publishers, Minneapolis, Minnesota, 1987.

    When illness, tragedy, or catastrophic events happen to someone else we find ourselves groping for words to express the deep concern and sadness we feel for them.  We want to say or do something helpful in an attempt to offer comfort. This book serves as a guide for professionals, as well as lay persons, in assisting others in times of grief and despair. Offers a religious perspective.

6.   Because You Care - Practical Ideas for Helping Those Who Grieve, by Barbara Russel Chesser; Word Books Publisher, Waco, TX; 1987.

    This book, written for the general public, explains the grieving process and gives many practical suggestions on how to be helpful and supportive to bereaved individuals. It is not focused specifically on parents, rather on anyone who has experienced a loss. Many real life experiences and quotes are used, as well as many Bible quotes. Lists of support groups and further readings are included in appendices.

7.    Pregnancy After a Loss: For Friends and Relatives, Abbott Northwestern Hospital, Minneapolis, MN, 1991.

     This single sheet pamphlet discusses how friends, relatives and care providers can assist a couple who is experiencing a pregnancy following a loss. Practical guidelines are described.

8.   What Family & Friends Can Do, by Sherokee Ilse; Wintergreen Press, Maple Grove, MN.

    This pamphlet is adapted from Empty Arms: A Guide to Help Parents and Loved Ones Cope with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death by Sherokee Ilse. It offers suggestions to help loved ones cope with the loss of their baby and how a loved one's assistance, comfort, and support can help parents deal with their loss.

9.   What Can I Say - How to Help Someone Who is Grieving: A Guide, by Kelly Osmont, MSW, RCSW and Marilyn McFarlane; Nobility Press, Portland, Oregon, 1988.

    An excellent resource for medical professionals, clergy or lay people (family, friends and neighbors) which offers practical suggestions on how to help and lend support to those who are grieving. The author ends with her own poem which touchingly sums up the pages of this booklet.

10.  I Know Just How You Feel...Avoiding the Cliches of Grief, by Erin Lynn; The Publisher's Mark, Incline Village, Nevada, 1986.

    Written by a mother after the death of her son, this excellent paperback book (115 pp) attempts to tackle the topic of what to say to a bereaved person. The book offers wonderful insights into the relationship between the consoler and those being consoled. It also offers helpful suggestions in how to approach and comfort the bereaved individual.

11.  Resolve through Sharing: A Parent Support Group Guide by Rana K. Limbo, RN,MS and Sara Rich Wheeler, RN, MS; Lutheran Hospital - LaCrosse, 1989.

    This booklet is intended to be used as a guide for setting up a support group to help parents who have experienced the loss of a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or newborn death. It contains instructions on how to go about getting a group started and how to keep it healthy. Also included are several suggestions for discussion topics and ideas to facilitate group interactions.

12.  “After Pregnancy Loss”, by Mary Beth Franklin; Discipleship Resources, Nashville, Tennessee, 1988.

    This is a nice pamphlet written for grieving parents who have experienced a pregnancy loss, including stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death.  It includes thoughts and feelings from other couples who have experienced a similar loss and gives helpful suggestions to help couples cope with the grieving process.

13.  I Don’t Know How to Help Them by Linda Maurer; Johnson Printing, Boulder, Colorado, 1993.

    This book was written by a woman whose 18 year old daughter died in an accident several years ago.  The grieving process is explored through stories and experiences shared by the author.  Most importantly, Linda Maurer gives advice on how to comfort the bereaved.

13.  Single Parent Grief by Sherokee Ilse; deRuyter Nelson Publications, Inc., 1994.

     Well-known expert on bereavement Sherokee Ilse provides helpful hints, resources and suggestions regarding support for single men, women and teenagers coping with the loss of a child, miscarriage or stillbirth.  The pamphlet explores personal feelings, interactions with others and building of support/coping skills.  An appendix of support resources is also provided.  

14.  A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor:  A List of Reactions, Suggestions, and Steps for Coping with Grief by Robert Baugher, Ph.D. and Marc Calija, Baugher and Calija, Renton, WA, 1992.   (Formerly titled:  A Guide for the Survivor Who Has Lost a Loved One Through a Sudden Death) 

    Having experienced the loss of a loved one, Marc Calija took Robert Baugher’s course in Death Education and later suggested to Dr. Baugher, a psychology instructor and certified death educator, the idea for the original booklet.  In 59 pages, Dr. Baugher and Mr. Calija have sensitively presented a thorough overview of the bereavement process, including discussions about emotional reactions, physical reactions, reactions of others, and reactions that demand thinking  (in some cases t here is even relation to dealing with grief following murder, suicide, or death of unknown cause).  A specific grief reaction is briefly but meaningfully described on an even numbered page, and on the facing odd numbered page t here is a set of insightful and practical suggestions for coping with the particular grief reaction.  With this unique format, one can read as many or as few pages of A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor as one can at a particular time, and one can “skip” around, reading descriptions and suggestions of relevance and/or interest.  This is a truly comforting guide that could be helpful at any stage of the grieving process.