The WiSSP Resource Library

RELIGIOUS

1.   Good Grief, by Grangor E. Westberg; Fortress Press, 1971.

    The pattern of grief, and what can be learned from it, are explored.  This book, written by a Lutheran clergyman, might be more helpful to those who derive their support from their religious community.

2.   When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner; Avon Books, 1981.

    The author, a Jewish clergyman, presents a philosophical debate in an attempt to understand the reasons (or lack thereof) behind catastrophic events.

3.   The Ultimate Loss--Coping With the Death of a Child, by Joan Bordow; Beaufort Books, Inc., New York/Toronto, 1982.

    Offers case histories and commentaries on the various ways people cope with the death of a child. Professionals and religious teachers share their viewpoints and philosophies. The author, who experienced a stillbirth, tries to share how her life has moved forward by her daughter's death.Includes a chapter on support organizations.

4.   Free to Grieve, by Maureen Rank; Bethany House Publishers, 1985.

    Combining personal experience with research, the author offers guidance to the grieving and emphasizes that grieving, an individual process, is both necessary and justifiable. In addition, questions such as "why did my pregnancy loss occur?" and "when shall we try again" are addressed. This book is written from a Christian perspective, and may be a helpful resource for pastors.

5.   Comfort Us, Lord--Our Baby Died, by Norman E. Hagley, D.Min; Centering Corporation, 1985.

    A book of prayers for families who have experienced miscarriages, stillbirth, or early infant death.

6.   Love Away My Hurt--A Child's Book About Death, by A.R. Mumford and K.E. Danhauer; Accent Publications, 1983.

    A book for young children to read that explains death and some of the things they may feel if someone close to them dies. A Christian approach, the explanations used rely heavily on a belief in the soul, and a happier life in heaven.

7.   Are You Weeping With Me, God?, by Martha Bittle Clark; Broadman Press, Nashville, Tennessee, 1987.

    This book is a journal written by a mother who experienced the loss of her daughter.  From the first day she heard of the accident she began to record her thoughts, fears, and inner feelings.  This journey through grief tells how one woman searched for new understanding and grew in her faith as a Christian.

8.    Bittersweet...hello goodbye. A Resource in Planning Farewell Rituals when a Baby Dies.  Edited by Sister Jane Marie Lamb, OSF.; Prairie Lark Press

    This is a comprehensive resource written for clergy and other health care professionals who work with bereaved parents. It provides background information regarding grieving and rituals, and gives excellent examples of memorials and services, including letters and thoughts written by parents. This book also provides practical resources to use in developing activities and programs designed to remember babies, including scripture, prayer, songs, readings and memento suggestions.

9.   The Joy of Feeling Good: Eight Keys to a Happy and Abundant Life, by William A. Miller; Augsburg Publishing House, Minneapolis, MN, 1986.

     The author, who has a background in religion and counseling, has written a book about eight precepts that can help one to achieve contentment in life.  The concepts he presents stress obtaining a balance in our thoughts and actions, thereby avoiding extremes.  He emphasizes the importance of a positive self-image, knowledge of one's own values and beliefs, and acceptance of self as well as other people.  The author includes several exercises and self-tests to help illustrate his points. This book is appropriate for those who may find comfort from Christian teachings.  Furthermore, it would probably be most helpful to those who have already worked through much of their grieving.

10.  Because You Care - Practical Ideas for Helping Those Who Grieve, by Barbara Russel Chesser; Word Books Publisher, Waco, TX; 1987.

    This book, written for the general public, explains the grieving process and gives many practical suggestions on how to be helpful and supportive to bereaved individuals. It is not focused specifically on parents, rather on anyone who has experienced a loss. Many real life experiences and quotes are used, as well as many Bible quotes. Lists of support groups and further readings are included in appendices.

11.  Sacred Healing by Susan Erling Martinez; deRuyter-Nelson Publications, Inc., Saint Paul, Minnesota, 1994.

     This book offers a metaphysical approach to bereaved parents to help them  understand their grief and aid them in their journey from grief to healing, and from healing to growth.  Emphasis is on using the power of prayer (to God/Goddess or Creator), daily meditation, and dreams as an interpretive tool to guide their pathway.  Through this approach an additional perspective is provided to families seeking spiritual guidance not offered through their religious community or to those not a member of a mainstream religion.  Also included is a suggested reading list. 

12.  After Pregnancy Loss by Mary Beth  Franklyn; Discipleship Resources, Nashville, Tennessee, 1988.

    A guide for grieving parents and clergy or counselors following a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death, authored by a woman who has experienced a pregnancy loss.  Written in a strongly Christian approach, this pamphlet includes descriptions of situations parents may face including funerals and provides suggestions for coping in addition to recommended readings. 

13.  When Joy Withers Away, by Calvin D. Vander Meyden, deRuyter-Nelson Publications, Inc., 1994.

    This booklet describes the emotions and experiences of a grandfather upon the unexpected death of his 3 1/2 month old grandson from SIDS.  The author, a Christian minister, shares his story, addressing questions such as “why did this happen?” and “why weren’t my prayers answered?”.  The author acknowledges the grief felt by extended family members, especially grandparents, at the loss of an infant.  This short but well told story contains some biblical references and may be helpful for those questioning issues of faith. 

14.    Pastoral Care in Pregnancy Loss, by Thomas Moe, D.Min.; Haworth Pastoral Press, 1997.

     The author is an ordained Methodist minister who experienced the birth and death of a son in July, 1980. He received his Doctor of Ministry degree from Bethel Theological Seminary in 1993, following completion of a thesis "Ministry to Families Suffering From Loss Due to Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Neonatal Death."  Moe believes, and parents expect, that one's faith community is an appropriate place to seek support.  This book is an effort to provide churches and other faith communities with the necessary information to provide such a supportive ministry, and begins with accurate definitions of different kinds of losses and other factual information.  Other background information includes the attitudes of different religions towards the unborn, grief patterns, in general and specific to pregnancy loss, and the meaning of a child in a family.  The background information is presented from a theologic perspective, i.e. as grief relates to spiritual values and beliefs (there is a relative lack of specific medical background information, but this deficiency does not negate the very substantial contribution of this excellent resource).  Seven case studies, from Moe's doctoral work, are also presented.

15.  Mommy, please don't cry, by Linda DeYmaz; Questar Publishers, Inc., 1996.

     Intended as a message of comfort and hope for mothers who have lost their child, this is an exquisitely illustrated book, written in the first person, from a child to his/her mother, and specifically and directly from a Christian point of view.  The message is one of faith, that children are laughing and playing in the heavens above, safe in the arms of Jesus, until all mothers and their children will one day be together again.  The text is followed by scripture passages which inspired the writings of the book.

15.  Angelic Presence, compiled by Cathi Lammert and Sue Friedrick.  Richard Paul Evans Publishing, Inc, 1997.  Order through SHARE, 1-800-821-6819.

     This is a collection of short stories submitted by families whose babies had died.  Among the stories there is a unifying theme, that each family felt, at times, an overwhelming sense of their baby's presence.  This 'angelic presence' was experienced through dreams, visions, recurring symbols or signs, or a simple sense that their baby was "there".  Another common thread was the comfort and hope that accompanied these experiences, and is quite powerfully shared in these writings. 

     It is noted in the early pages that the book is not meant to favor any particular "religious affiliation but rather accept many spiritual journeys."  And while this is literally true, I would reflect before recommending this book to someone for whom a religious faith is not a strong source of support.  I would also be cautious about recommending this for anyone who has ended a pregnancy through elective abortion; there are several stories from families who chose not to intervene in pregnancies when life-taking birth defects were identified, but none from families who did make such choices.