The WiSSP Resource Library

FOR AND ABOUT FATHERS

1.   Healing a Father's Grief, by William Schatz; Medic Publishing.

    Society has expectations as to how men should behave in certain situations.  These role expectations tend to interfere with grieving.  The authors of this pamphlet identify several of these role problems, and offer suggestions on how to overcome them.

2.   A Father's Story, by Tim Nelson; Pregnancy & Infant Center of MN.

    A pamphlet (eight pages) describing one fathers personal experience after the stillbirth of his daughter.

3.   Fathers Grieve, Too, Centering Corporation.

    A 4 page pamphlet describing the ways a father's grief is distinct from a mother's and suggestions on how to work through it.

4.   For Better or Worse by Maribeth Wilder Doerr; Centering Corporation, Omaha, NE, 1992.

     A concise, understandable account of some of the feelings and reactions that accompany the death of a child. The booklet sensitively discusses the differences between male and female grieving and offers valuable practical suggestions for grieving parents.

5.   Men & Grief by Carol Staudacher; New Harbinger Publications, Inc., Oakland, CA, 1991.

    Focusing primarily on the theory behind grieving rather than practical suggestions or ideas, this book would be most appropriate for caregivers. Emphasis is placed on differences between the way men and women grieve. The book encompasses many different causes of grief, with very few references to stillbirth specifically.

6.    Miscarriage:  A Man’s Book by Rick Wheat, Centering Corporation, Omaha, NE, 1995.

    This is a brief, easy-to-read resource, written by a man who has himself, along with his wife, undergone the experience of loss of a baby through miscarriage.  It offers effective and practical approaches to the immediate crisis elements inherent in the event of miscarriage.  Attention is given to the unique reactions of women and the special support the devastated woman in the relationship will need.  The author prepares the reader for the difficulties and struggles that may arise in the relationship, as both partners become overwhelmed with grief, and are emotionally unequipped to offer support to each other.  Quotes and thoughts from men who have undergone the experience of miscarriage are a positive feature of this book as is preparation for special difficult issues such as taking down the nursery, paying medical bills, telling other children, and anniversaries of the miscarriage and due dates. 

7.   The Rocking Horse is Lonely and Other Stories of Father's Grief compiled by James D. Neson, Pregnancy & Loss Center, MN, 1994.

    A collection of seven vignettes written by fathers who have experienced pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss.  The different perspectives and wide range of emotion within the stories illustrate the uniqueness of grief responses.  The Afterword provides a brief list of suggestions to help work through the experience of loss. 

8.    Swallowed By A Snake - The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing, by Thomas R. Golden, LCSW; Golden Healing Publishing, Kensington, Maryland, 1996.

     The premise of Swallowed by A Snake is that healing has both a masculine and feminine side, and while both genders have access to both sides, men primarily employ the 'masculine' side of healing, and women the 'feminine'.  The feminine side of healing is described as the more traditionally accepted mode of verbal and emotional expression.  Men tend toward action and creative efforts to acknowledge grief.  The author, a licensed clinical social worker, offers support for male grieving through task by a critical examination of the cross cultural literature, which includes many fascinating and insightful stories and examples of grieving rituals through time and among diverse cultures.  It is pointed out that the need for rituals, in a broad sense, is a source of conflict in modern society because whereas grieving and rules for grieving were once very well defined, this is no longer the case.  Problems also can arise because traditional therapy interventions are designed more for women (who are more frequently therapy clients), and the action oriented masculine mode may be seen as pathologic and 'not really healing'.